Another month has dragged by, yet in hindsight, it passed by
quickly. I’m still functioning on automatic numbness. Georgie, my little dog,
sees to it that I start each day at a decent time – for his morning walk.
Otherwise, I believe there were several days that I’d have pulled the blanket
over my head and stayed in bed all day. Everything seems empty without my
husband. But I keep putting one foot in front of the other and do what must be
done.
I’ve been out to lunch with three friends. Celebrated Easter
with 9 family members, and hosted two Easter egg hunts for the great grands to
accommodate crazy work schedules of the family. Friends, family and neighbors
keep close tabs on me.
On April 25th I drove to Pittsburgh for the weekend, stayed
with a good friend, who’s also a widow. We went to the Pittsburgh Symphony on
Friday evening, on Saturday we went to a Master Gardener plant sale, joined my
cousin, she’s also a widow, for lunch on the Strip District and then back to
her apartment for a cozy rainy-day tea and hours of fun conversation. (On the
way to Pittsburgh I stopped in Clarion County to put spring flowers on my
parents and my brother Bobby’s graves in Clarion County. A wonderful friend
from my childhood days met me for lunch at Appleby’s. Always great to
re-connect with old friends.) I almost made excuses to avoid the weekend trip
but it was so enjoyable that I’m very glad I went.
Last night I went to my monthly book club and it was good to
be with these precious friends again too. They were also very supportive during
my husband’s illness and the weeks that followed his passing.
Due to technical difficulties, the You-Tube video of my
husband’s Memorial Service is no longer available. Sorry.
I’ve read only one book this month: ‘A Shadow in Moscow’ by
Katherine Reay. Cold War Historical Fiction. 2023. This novel starts in Vienna,
1934: Ingrid Bauer had a happy childhood with her parents in Vienna. But after
watching them brutally removed from their family home by the Nazis, she can
never go home again. In the final days
of WWII, she rushes into marriage to a Soviet KGB agent who works with her in
the Soviet Embassy and quickly moves to Moscow. Nothing is what it seems. Her
new husband is an ambitious KGB agent. After their daughter’s birth, Ingrid
reaches out to Britain - her mother’s native country. She begins passing
intelligence to MI6 garnered by hosting cozy dinner parties in their
apartment-(which also helped her husband rise the ranks in KGB.) Ingrid is a
master linguist and navigates a world of secrets and lies, passing top secret
intelligence to MI6. Moscow, 1980: Ingrid’s daughter, Anya, finishes her degree
at Georgetown U. and flies back to Moscow immediately, leaving the man she
loves and the country she respects. She tries to fit back into life with her
loyal Soviet parents. However, when the KGB murder her best friend – Anya
questions the oppressive paranoid regime. She seeks out the CIA and sends top
secret Soviet info to the CIA to stop the 1980s weapons escalations on both
sides. The finale is brilliant – based on true historical events. I
highly recommend this well-researched novel and the great characters that kept
me turning the pages.
I started a couple other books and have not had the
necessary concentration to read them. I did watch some tv each evening. I
enjoyed an older tv series – back when people were using flip-phones. It was a
three season legal series based in Pittsburgh, ‘The Guardian’.
No, I haven’t had the will or concentration to start writing
again. I hope May will be a better month.
Till next time, please stay well and keep reading my
friends.
Later, Ann
My dear husband died Thursday, March 6 at 5:50 A.M. Even
though he was under Hospice care and I knew it was coming, the loss has been
devastating. Up until his last two days, he had brief moments of clarity that
brought joy to all who were near. There is a huge emptiness in my life without
him. I’ve been busy planning his beautiful Memorial Service which was held
March 22 at the Inter-Faith Chapel on the University of Pittsburgh at Bradford
Campus; it was standing room only. Immediately following the service, we had a
Celebration of Life Reception at the Bradford Club. Over 150 people attended
this event and there were many heart-felt memories shared. My husband’s niece
and nephew, his deceased brother’s adult children, came from England and Dubai,
plus several of his cousins from Toronto. Of course, his two daughters came
from York, PA and Basel, Switzerland for their father’s farewell ceremonies. My
sister and her husband came from Maryland for a four-day weekend and helped me
make it through that very sad weekend. Also our Air Force grandson and his
young son flew in from S.D. My PA brother and his wife, nephews and wives plus
many cousins and friends attended from distant areas of the state.
Every weekend since his passing I’ve had family with me; the
support has been wonderful. I’m thankful for my large family, more now than
ever. Our granddaughter, her husband and baby from Summerville, S.C. came for
three days that first weekend. She took pictures of many of our photos; after
she went home she made a beautiful slide show. Later I made a playlist from
Spotify of many of the songs we had danced to over the years. The finished
product played continuously at the reception and received many compliments. Her
two younger sisters ravaged through more than 30 photo albums and assembled
three large tri-fold picture boards of their grandfather’s life. I thought,
“how will I ever get all those pictures back in the correct albums?” Then I
asked myself, “Does it matter if I don’t?” I quickly realized it did not. My
brother flew in from Dallas, Texas and spent the second long weekend with me.
My amazing local friends were generous with providing food, cheerful flowers
and visits.
The Funeral Director masterfully loaded my husband’s
Memorial Service on YouTube TV. Just type Widad Bazzoui on the search line and
it pops right up. If you missed the event and are interested, it is a lovely
tribute to a great man.
Not surprisingly, I’ve read little this month. A book I
highly recommend that I read in the previous months and only this week returned
it to the owner is The 36 Hour Day by Nancy L. Mace, MA and Peter V. Rabins MD,
MPH. Nonfiction. Published by John Hopkins Press. It was loaned to me last
summer and I procrastinated reading it until it was almost too late to help me.
The central idea underlying this book is that much can be done to improve the
lives of people with dementia and those caring for them - remains the same.
This book is the definitive dementia care guide. The 36 Hour Day is the gold
standard for guidance and support in caring for someone with Alzheimer’s
Disease.
Shelterwood by Lisa Wingate. Historical fiction. 2024. Two
parallel stories told in alternating chapters requires careful reading. In 1990
a single mom park ranger with her young son is assigned to southwest Oklahoma
discovers a hidden burial site with remains of three children. She is cautioned
to leave the burial site be and concentrate on her new job. The Choctaw Tribal
Police are faced with many challenges as the oil rich Indians are being
challenged on every side by wolves in sheep’s clothing trying to cheat them out
of their land. The other component of this story is the 1902 story of two
little girls who flee their abusive step-father and face the perils of
surviving Oklahoma wilderness. They depend on begging, foraging through
garbage, hard work and their quick wits. It started slow for me but to be fair
my attention was hardly on reading this month. It is my book club’s choice for
April. At the end the of the novel, the author stated that the descendants of
those who profited by cheating and stealing from the rightful owners of the
land, became their future political leaders.
I have dropped cable tv and stream now, that’s primarily
what I watched before anyway. I’m hooked on 1923 but the new season has become
a bit disappointing so far. I apologize for sending another blog in my email
format. I have not had time to set up the new blog server yet.
Till next time, keep reading my friends.
Later, Ann
The last few weeks my life has felt like a blur, I will
spare you the details. But my husband continued to fall at home and ended up in
the hospital again. Now he is home again - on Hospice care. I also have 24/7
caregiver assistance. (The caregivers are absolutely wonderful with my husband
and so very kind to me. They are like a new group of dear friends.) A hospital bed is in our great room and he’s
been receiving a few visitors each day which he enjoys immensely, even when
he’s confused. He has always been a story teller and people person. I also
ended up in E.R. and had to go through a battery of tests – thus the caregiver
situation. Well, enough of that.
I’ve found that I had more real friends than I realized, so
many have offered help. My standard answer was, “Thank you, but we’re
managing.” Then a close friend said, “Stop saying that! You are not managing!
If people offer to help, tell them what you need!” I started to reach out and
the response has been wonderful. It makes me feel blessed.
I’m sending this as
part of an email because I have not had time to get registered with the new
blog server. Hopefully by next month…
I’ve started writing
a bit here and there. It makes me feel good despite the circumstance we are living through. I’ve
read a few books during the last two months, a couple by my husband’s hospital
bed. Reading is an especially comforting escape.
Songbirds, by Christy Lefteri. 2021. Fiction. This is a
richly layered plot with excellent character development. Set in the author’s
narrative Cyprus, Nisha, a domestic worker disappears and only the mother she
served and her lover who lives in the upstairs apartment seem to care. As they
search for her, they realize how little they actually know about her. What they
discover changes them all. An unforgettable story. It‘s the first book I’ve
read about Cypress. I highly recommend this novel.
The Frozen River, by Ariel Lawhon. 2024. Historical Fiction.
This was an NPR best book of the year. It’s a gripping tale – part murder
mystery and part historical fiction. Martha, the protagonist, has given a new
dimension to character resilence as a midwife in a small tight knit community
near Boston in 1789. She seems to know everyone’s secrets as she’s the only
medical person in the area. A working mother with nine children, mostly grownup
but several still at home. She has an extraordinary relationship with her
husband. If you like to learn about the way things were. Then this page-turner
is for you. I loved it.
More or Less Maddy, by Lisa Genova. 2025. If you’ve ever known
anyone diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder, this book is for you. The author’s
written another fabulous book about a well-known and little understood mental
illness that affects millions of Americans. The protagonist is Maddy, a
stressed-out college freshman in NYC with no declared major and no direction
for her life. She feels overwhelmed and the odd one out in her ‘perfect’
family. She’s prescribed an antidepressant and spirals into a wild mania. The
plot also includes how the illness affects families, as well as Maddy’s passion
for the comedy club circuit. I also highly recommend this novel.
We’ve watched some excellent television shows before my
husband’s hospitalization. But I honestly don’t remember which ones they
were. I know we watched several biographies
of US Presidents that he really enjoyed. I’ve not watched any television for
two weeks, not even the news.
Till next time, stay well and keep reading my friends.
Later, Ann